Losing it

The feel of emo, lost, tired, sad, hopeless, no aims... this is what I'm feeling now... I'm gonna lose the person that is part of me , the person i love most... no more.... it seems like i just cant stop what is going to happen although i have been trying so many times, it all turns down to be empty... when this happens it makes me feel and i know that what goes around always comes back around.... maybe this is the punishment that i should get for hurting the people that like me or love me before, and now till my turn to love some one so deeply... its being taken away from me, is just so near yet so far.... I'm so not ready to leave her alone...

my sassy girl no more is really a clumsy girl, thinking back the time when i was with her, she would always be the princess... haha, shes also very scared of being fat, and she can really eat at times, so whenever at night we go out for a drink she would wanna eat but will feel guilty if she do so, so is my job to make her not to feel guilty, she will ask me whether i wanna eat? i will then say with my smiling face 'yes', she will be really happy coz she get to share the food with me and not feel that guilty after eating... and she has this bad habit of pealing her fingers dry skin, i will tell her every single day don't peal it anymore, back during the days she will try to stop and i will gently using my fingers to smoothen her fingers, but it seems is been long i didn't do that for her and might not get the chance anymore...

Some one must also really have the strength to carry her! i know she likes being carry but she always thinks that she is really heavy and i cant lift her up, hahaha but i always manager to carry her (but seriously is kinda heavy), i will carry her back to the room some times knowing that shes really tired at times and would fall asleep at the sofa, and when shes asleep i will call her a few times but shes really a piggy... so i will carry her to the bedroom, while carrying i get to know shes just faking to fall asleep but i noe shes tired and lazy to walk so it does not matter coz shes my cute little piggy... oh ya! knowing also she don't fold her blanket last time but she actually made it a habit now to fold it, after i told her to a few times, happy for her and myself for that.... keep it up girl!

But this is all the pass... i cant carry her to the bedroom, cant massage her, cant share food with her when she feels like eating, cant be a sand bag for her to release her anger or stress from her mom..... cant tell her the time to go class, cant walk her home, cant bring her out for dinner, cant do grocery shopping together.... I'm going to miss the moment i had with her every single bit of it... i have no idea what is going to happen after this.... I'm already so used to do everything for her.. cant wash the dishes for her, I'm so worried that her fingers will hurt when she wash them... she cant touch soap.... i no longer can be her manager, her private driver, her body guard when she goes out with that mini skirt, her house keeper, her massager, her rubbish bin for food..... and everything that she needed..... I'm so worried that she always sleep very late, bath late, wakes up late, didn't get to eat her breakfast, getting hungry, being bullied during work, being eyes by those perv's...... who's gonna look after her?!?! :"( i will still always be there to be her full time all free maid when she need me......

Lost

After so long that i have been so busy, which i don't have time to blog, so many things happened during this time period, from being happy till the saddest moment in life that i have face... i never thought that i will be one of those that will face this kind of problems.... it seems like everybody or maybe most of the people will face at least once of their happiest time & also their saddest moment in a life time... from gaining something till the feeling of losing someone dearest to us, will make us grown a step higher in life....

At moments or some times things wont be going our way, when that happen it might benefit us, or it might not... no matter what happens when moments like this happen, open a space in our heart, put down the face that's always being bring out to the public, show the other side of our self, show the weak part of our self and let others, which is stronger that us at that moment to help us... our family, our other half, our best friends and many more that will get us out of the moment that is blinding us from moving forward, let them bring us out of the mist that we are trapped in...

It hard some times to let our weakness out & being so vulnerable to others, but it seems like everyone have to let that out once in a while to others for a helping hand, lending shoulder, or a simple warm hug.. learning that we also have weakness will have us to know what mistakes we have done on the never ending, bumpy highway of our life that we are still continuing to drive on....

Remember the memories

I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And there're hearts all over the world tonight,

Said the hearts all over the world tonight
Hey! Little mama,

you're a stunner

Hot..little figure,

Yes, you're a winner

And I'm so glad to be yours,

You're a class all your own

And.. little cutie

When..you talk to me

I swear..the whole world stops

You're my sweetheart

And I'm so glad that you are mine

You are one of a kind and..

You mean to meWhat I mean to you and..

Together baby,There is nothing we won't do'cause if I got you,

I don't need money,I don't need cars,Girl, you're my heart.

And..I'm into you,

And girl,No one else would do,'cause with every kiss and every hug,

You make me fall in love,

And now I know I can't be the only one,

I bet there heart's all over the world tonight,

With the love of their life who feels..

What I feel when I'm

I don't want nobody else,Without you, there's no one left then,

You're like Jordans on Saturday,

I gotta have you and I cannot wait now,

Hey! Little shawty,Say you care for me,

You know I care for you,You know...that I'll be true,

You know that I won't lie,You know that I would try,

To be your everything..'cause if I got you,

I don't need money,I don't need cars,Girl, you're my heart.

And..And I..Will never try to deny,that you're my whole life,

'cause if you ever let me go,I would die..

So I won't front,I don't need another woman,

I just need your all and nothing,'cause if I got that,

Then I'll be straightBaby, you're the best part of my day

I need you boo,I gotta see you boo

And there're hearts all over the world tonight,

Said the hearts all over the world tonight

They need it boo,

They gotta see their boo,

Said the hearts all over the world tonight,

Hearts all over the world tonight...........

wanna see you every night and be with you all the time....miss you baby, all from deep down my heart!!

Hopeless day...

Thinking that i have been spending the whole day in the cyber cafe, for now i kinda regret it.. realise that i really do miss my girl... shud have juz spend the time with her, know she wants it... but stupid myself still so attracted to gaming with my friend... Ok for now i really have to set myself for the maximum days of going to cyber cafe is twice a week best not 2.. somehow still feeling very uneasy now, really wanna talk to baby... i think shes kinda not really happy with wat im doing, but shes not saying much maybe thinking that its wat i am.. shud let me do it.... im missing her so much already better call her now, although she dosent wanna talk much at least i can still talk to her.... he he...

Out of reality

Thinking back to when i was younger, whenever the sky turn dark, the sun sets and the rise of the moon... i would just love to head out from home and go for a walk or sit at the swing, which i use to have few years back.. with the cold breeze flowing Thur my face and body, looking up to the sky above and running away from reality for that moment... it was really the best time for me..... just sit there all relaxed, get away from my Nagy mom, or any bad stuff that happen during the day... all being blew away by the breeze that's flowing around the air....

Day by day, all these childhood moments of mine has also follow the breeze being release into the thin air... it seems like life now is getting much more complicated comparing to life when i was back in the childhood.. now the swing have been removed, and hardly even get the free time to just sit down out in the garden or park, either alone or with accompany to just look at the sky and feel the cold breeze flowing Thur my body....

Suddenly miss that moment of going out there and just lying down at the grass and do noting but just feel the wind and look at the beautiful sky with stars all around(even so there might not be many stars around or even the wind).

The best thing to do that's always on my mind for a romantic night of 2 that's just me and my gf would be, after having a wonder'full' dinner will then head out to a place with wide open land covered by fine grass, and then both of us will just lie on the grass looking up to the cloudless sky with stars all over, add on with some pine trees at the surrounding and wind all over us.... (regarding there is any bugs or mosquitoes at the surrounding) lolz.....

just imagine that if there is a place like that in Malaysia! that will be the frequent place i will visit when i have the time.... sometimes at some nights, really just wish to have the chance of getting out of the reality and into some moments alone or even with the one i love and just feel the moment of peace without any worries, at least for a split moment of it, and will have to return to the cruel reality after that...or at least i would just have to listen to the song -Vincent(starry starry night)!

Ironman atlast

Another childhood fantasy superhero turned into a comic-book movie, thanks to the director of the movie 'IRONMAN' - Jon Favreau, to direct the movie to impress the viewers. Not forgetting the creator of 'IRONMAN' and also other marvel superhero's/hero's is obviously Stan Lee! never to forget him for creating so many superhero's that give me so much good memories during the young age.

the main character of 'Ironman'

Robert Downey Jr.- Tony Stark a.k.a Ironman

Gwyneth Paltrow - 'Pepper' Potts

Terrence Howard - Jim Rhodes

Jeff Bridges - Obadiah Stane a.k.a Iron Monger(bad guy)

At last! i get to watch Ironman after 3 days.... before the movie is being release i have been telling my gf and wanting to watch it with her when the day the movie is release in cinema's but was so busy with work... shes working and i have my stuff to do, until yesterday night! been hearing from my friends saying they have watch the movie for 3 days and at last get to watch it... Watch it at 1utama GSC cinema, was at first planning to watch it at pyramid but after second thought i can't go pyramid to watch such a nice movie! and also is been kinda long i didn't get the time to watch a movie with my gf for she has been bz with her work as well as me... so 1utama is the final decision.. wanted to get the gold class sits as well but nah! got the ticket's already.. Very excited for that movie for its one of my fav character back when i was still a kid..

After watching the movie, the overall rating i would give is slightly above average... i still think the movie is too short,at the part where Tony Stark transform into Ironman. The fighting scene is kinda short too.... as for the part showing the life style of Tony Stark is obviously nice... with all the nice car's!! pretty girls!! Rich!! Nice suits!! ahahaha!! very cool indeed, and very much the same as Batman the Dark Knight! The part when the Ironman suit is being created and also the technology and car's that is 'throw' into the movie is where it impress me lotz, as usual in this kinda of movie's. Somehow after the movie still can't get enough of it.. Maybe they will come out with the Ironman 2!?!? Hope do come out with the Ironman 2! at least that's what i think they should... HAHAHA!!

So for those who haven't watch Ironman yet Watch IT!!

Money!!!

Money! money!, why are you giving so much happiness and also sadness to so many people??!!

There is a saying for me that is with money you can't get everything, but without money you can't get anything! what you guys think?

my mom always tell me that I'm very lucky to have them sheltering me and not worry bout have nothing to eat or any other thing. I never really know what does that mean when i was younger by then, thinking that no matter what i do or anything just ask from my mom or dad they will sort it out for me! Till a couple of years back, i came out to work as a part timer and start meeting lots of people not only those around my life circle, hence even out of it, everything start to make sense.. Thinking that *I'm no more the happy go lucky, happy go spending guy anymore*

Starting to know how important is money towards an individual but still I'm not totally expose to the real society and i wont appreciate the money as how my parents does. When i was younger, knowing/ (watch TV) that some families because of money causes the family to tear apart, even the best brothers will feel depress or even jealous of the other siblings to be richer. Never think that will be the real truth, which i now think that it is the truth that money can realy separate even the closes family members... this is how terrible the society has made the money value to the individuals... thinking that even a dollar/ringgit less, (wrost still even a few cents!) you can't even buy the things that you need most at that time...

To have money and to get money is a totally opposite thing, just having the two different words, can change the money term into a horrible thing... I'm always thinking how much value is money to me? How much value is the money for the people around me?? This is the question everyone should think about, because of not knowing this question people often tend to forget every individual will have different thinking and also different needs.

For example: having someone that have money and someone that don't have money will eventually bring them into a big fight if they did not think of the two questions above. Just the normal everyday thing that is use money, can really differentiate individuals value of money towards them...

Money can realy be the best thing that a person to have or it can also be the worst thing for a person to have.......... so guys spend ur money wisely!

At work time

So guys this is the picture nokia wifi roadshow that is being held in penang... been in penang for around 8 days already... and only saturday and sunday is the best day to work... realy it feels like we are just standing and posing for the last few days, which is monday to friday... BORING!!!! anywayz the boredrome is gona end sooon.... in an hours time, then head to the club laterzzz.... MOIS im coming!!! have a good time checking the pic's out....

countdown for a week of nokia roadshow

today was well kinda had some ups and down... a lil not that boring day... had a lil fight wif my baby gal during the roadshow.. u guys see boredrome alwayz make ppl stress and then there come the urge to break free of it... hahaha... and hell breaks loose.... but we still had our not so happy dinner at chillis... as usual nice food... but i think the steak in penang is not that fresh, mean the beef... kinda out of the usual standart...

and so we are getting ready to club tonight... heading towards soul penang club!! was told by my project manager to club hard!hahaha... flash back a couple of hours back, i was actualy walking back from my work place which is gurney plaza to gurney hotel.. although it sound like its beside but i can take half an hour to walk back.. so i took a lil break from all stress and qurrel and craps.. walk along the beach, put on the ipod had a peace of mind for while.. it does feel good... ok back to current. hahah my baby is actauly complainning that she does not have heels, hahaha! which is kinda funny coz we guys actauly get ready our cloths for clubs and she did not! dumbo!!! lolz!! nvm she will still go with her slippers..

ok... im of to the club!!! duno where but who cares! ciaozzz!

2nd month anniversary!

It is now my 2nd month anniversary.. as usual my gf always i mean sometimes give me that cold treatment.. and the whole day she was on the hp playing game... as for we are working in a nokia roadshow and penang is realy quiet... so god damn bored it make us work hard=play hard... However i realy wish she dont hide so much of her feelings towards me... i realy wanna know so much on how she feels, also how she feels bout me and all... for me i miss her every moment wanna juz hug her n hug her...

anywayz back in the hotel room went on facebook and saw a shocking news!!!! thats my fren is gettnig married... man! its juz so fast.... she my 1st fren to get married! unbelivable.... got a long talk with her onthe phone, talk some crap and all nice catching up with her... and yay!going to her wedding on may... cant wait to she her in those big chuncky stufff!!!!juz wow!

altrite its bed time... back to work hard=play hard later....

wednesday morning....

Wed morning! man... when i woke up today juz cant stop thinking of her.. remember yesterday night when she say i shud take a rest and find her a few days later i was fine... maybe we shud... but this morning when i woke up i realise that i cant not see her even a day... seriously din know i miss her that much, i got myself up early(atlast) get ready and all as fast as possible, wanna reach there a.s.a.p. although i know i will be waiting there for a lil while.. but who cares i thought... got to the bus stop juz in time, reach her place around 11, this is the funny part... i wanted to walk up the stairs to the 6 floor by adding another 4 floors for the parking lot, so total is 10 floors, what happen is when i was going up the stairs it got darker.. and there goes when i reach 1st floor i got scared! i cant belive it! i was standing there stoned thining shud i cont walking up or not, in the end i gave up... man they shud realy on the lights! stupid condo... and that stupid childrens bike that they put at the 6th floor which i hate most... curse them a lil when i turn back and walk down..

so i juz stood by the lift and wait for her to come down... as usual people that came out of the lift looked at me with that funny look.. till 11.30(girl ur late, ur class is 11.30 as well) finnaly saw the lift going to 6th floor, u juz cant imagine how happy am i.. i dont care when she come down saw me then asking me to leave of anything, i dont care i juz wanna see her for while... soooo she came down and lucky to see that she didnt ask me to leave... at that moment i wanted to give her a big and long hug, but time does not allowe me to do so... walked her to class and now im waiting for her class to end... ~i really miss you!

Boring....

I wonder why these days im getting all slow and blurry... man, i think is because of the classes im having, which is too little that makes me so free, other than in some easy job for some certain days only... *hmm* mayb i shud get a job in starbuck or some thing, must get myself bz bz and also being usefull.. so that i wont be so god damn free, which cause my brain to slow down and also the movements= getting stupid day by day.... im feeling kinda sad tho... man... i do nothing in the day, and it's the same at night.... sleep late wake up late... eat, drink, sleep... shit.. this is getting way wrost... must realy think of a solution for this... anyone, plz HELP!!!! ok then i better head to bed now.. will wake up earlier tmr! all the best to myself! GAMBATEH!!!

Holding on to it...

after a long day at Pikan PC fair and to sean kingston's showcase, got home at last... still feeling bit moody...*hmmm* cant belive my tear just keep pouring out although i wanted it to stop.. but it seems like i just cant do it.. i just cant let go of her like that... anywayz the point of being together is to share things with each other, as well as the sadness, the stress, the moodiness, the happiness and alot more.. being with the one we love is the happiest thing to have in a realstionship, for me nothing can ever beat that... no matter what and how many sufferings or problems that might occur it still can be over come. I will hold on to this prinsip and also realtionship for as long as i can.... DICH LIEBEN baby(mein schweingy).....

flashback to this morning at the PC fair.. there are few things that is to remember, firstly would be the crowd.. man... there are like ants cant belive that even before the PC fair opens they are already waiting at the door way outside KLCC, then when the door way is opened they just keep pushing and squezzing and all.. man they realy need to learn how to line up... god, whats the rush anywayz???!!! i got in around 10 min later, and everything is still the same??!
ohyah.. i had hell lot of frenz working in PC fair kinda happy to see them... but theres this 1 bitch... hell i just went and talk to my frenz and its obvious he is still continuing doing his work, she then say 'excuse me we are working now?!' , sound like i cant see tho! wonder wat the hell is wrong with her.. ahh who cares.. forget bout it... i still have my baby to turn too...

i actauly can see that schweingy is very tired and its obvious that she will be moody.. so after work i quickly rush to her work place hoping that she dont have to wait for me, and i also got her some food fm the jap restaurant, and a bottle of honey to help her throat, knowing shes been talking the whole day... but theres this always this 1 problem is that when ever she works theres guys that always get in her way... man they realy suck... 'get a fucking life suckers'... I wish is was there to help her out at that time when i heard her telling me what happen so she dont have to get piss and all, anywayz im her full time as in 24/7 manager or nanny, is my job to manage her anger and all....... sleep well little piggy... goodnitezz to such a long and soaky day......

my sassy girl...

like every normal day... and im home all day long do a lil stuff then sleep n wake up n sleep... and i just got to know that my friend knows about the girl my bud likes.. she told me some stuff bout her, no big deal.. just kinda scared my bud got cheated, thinking that he likes her, easily the girl can do anything to make use of him.. anyway is his first time i see going serious with a girl(with dates).. or mayb second... and yup, i will still be there to guide him, what are friendz for anywayz..

till night i went to find the sassy girl of mine, saw her working in the restaurant makes me kinda heart ache, i never really like her being a waitress, don't mind her doing some other job like promoting and all, waitress juz dont seem right.. till later after work she told me that she had to wash dishes and all, man...... makes me feel even worst, knowing that her finger is not really in a good condition(she never stop peeling them) i seldom let her wash the dishes and dont mind taking it all by myself, then she went and be a waitress that needs her to wash the dishes... what are u thinking lil piggy??! juz hope she wears glove next time...

*ahhh* and now im still not sleeping is coz that sassy girl that wants to accompany me coz she dont want me to sleep alone for i have to sleep at the sofa in the living room, which is a sweet thing... that comes with a sad thing that shes the 1 sleeping on the sofa but not me! hahaha... seems like i juz have to wait till she realize it and go back to the bedroom.. (she love the sofa alot tho!) *yawnz* i will see wat to do later haha(hope so)..... *hmmm*

Like every normal day..

still the same thing, waking up late coz of the tiredness i had for 3 days... been home reading new papers, cleaning up the house a lil.. been too lazy n not home always, got to help my mom a lil on the house work for im the only 1 at home... got a call later from 1 of my best bud, saying that he went to find this girl which we work with for the during the nokia roadshow... *hmm* seems like he found some 1 that suits him.. hard to get! hahaha! well good for him you know.. all the best to him... *haa* some how i might miss a good fren hangging out with me.. realy like hangging out with my bro's.. aywayz as long as he is happy he shud go for it...

cont wif my day at my gf's plc... ntg much... went grocery shopping with her which was damn sweet(i think) later cont wif some help on cleaning up her plc a lil.. man.. when she start all the hard work... *hmm* all hell break loose! she got all passionate n then moody(a lil)... dont have to ask what happen later.. but this time not that bad 'luckily'! man.. shes beside me now... hope she dont see this till i get home..... hehe~ alrite... got to end the day and off pending on bedtime...

back on9!!

*PHEW* after three stright days of nokia roadshow, which comes with a nokia race 'soul of the night' realy exhaust me.... anyway it was somehow fun.. love the race, love being bz.. juz the lack of time to be with my love 1, nvm.. will have some weekends of for then/her soon.. Monday morning still waking up wif the tiredness with me, got my arse up for the only subject for 3 months this final sem.. anywayz its a limited class that i will get, if i dont go i will be bored to death -.-"

Everything was kinda simple today.. nothing realy speacial happen other than ***. the tiredness conts thur out the whole day... realy realy exhausted, need more rest!!! haha.. bt i did had a great dinner! although it was kinda late, but who cares as long its great! haha.. juz gives a good feeling to the heart and also to the body(coz im exhausted) to have some moments with her n also getting sweet stuff which its her fav thing... 'sweet stuff = sweet smile+happiness' guess its her formula.. lolz!

*hmm* n there is this 1 thing bout desperate guys, get a life man... knowing people(girl) is not single go on juz be a good fren n thats it! dont go over the border.. for obviously dont stand a chance if no1 give in... giving the name of phillip 'something' which piss me off so much for giving promises to be a good fren but in the end still end up being as 'the every guy' for her which looks for her advantage..... -.-"" wont allow that to happen as long as shes under my care! (sound lame tho)

lady.. u have to be strong in making a decision sometimes... there is always an exclusion clause in every decision that is made, remember that... =) ~goodnitez~~

Tired..... *EMOzzzzzz*

Juz got home fm a long day...as usual trying hard to get my piggy girl to stop peeling her dry skin(some kind of sensitive skin she have) which dont realy seem to get in her 'thick skull' that keep peeling will make it even wrost off..... *i wonder why?**hahaz*.

Anywaz a tired tired day, but there is still things running thru my head.. thinking that always wanted to make her happy, always smilling, with that big watery eyes looking back at me that seems to tell me that she is some how very happy with me... but i think i juz keep failing to do so, to keep her happy always... mayb im not trying my very best yet, or i juz dont know how to treat the one i love.. and hurt them always.

Other than that, i always think that people that is being remember or miss is some how very special.. knowing that he is always being missed and remember makes him special and as the evil me being jealous, and hurtful to also know that how good he can treat her and make her happy or mayb atleast not piss at him which i cant, and on the other hand always making her angry.... if he juz know that how lucky he is to be the one .......although he may b 'the one' but if there is anything or whatever she needs, i will still always be there to help and assist her no matter what it cost.... mayb sooner or later she will realise that, or mayb she already did.....
~~~missing her already~~~

April Fool's Day!!

Starting with a call from my gf which woke me up b4 the time i even wana wake up.. hahah, weird thing is that she didnt even realise that she called me till a few min later?!?.. haha.. well, the funny part is that the piggy girl seems like getting herself into some embarrassing moments b4 she calls me.. hahaha, going in the wrong class and even stay there for a while, long enough for her to realise that every1 is sleeping n next is running away from a korean guy to cover up her embarrassment which end up the same~ hahaha! (come on clumsy/piggy girl). some how is juz so cute and funny to listen to her telling me all this stuff when im half awake...

This time it seems like im able to catch the bus in time which juz takes me around 10 mins of waiting.. GOD the public transpost in malaysia realy SUCKS! coz normally it realy takes me an hour to wait for the god damn bus to come, end up taking the cab... *piss* thinking of it.. then went on to find the piggy girl of mine, as usual she never can stop peeling her dry skin's fm her finger, which i remind her every day or to say every MINUTE when im with her! realy hope she can keep it in her mind not to peel her dry skin for she will then complain to me her finger hurts.... and obviously as a bf will have to look after her(every minute if have to. *realy* LOL)

Missing the movie was some how a bad choice which leads to shopping, man shopping was never fun for me,other than the 1st step choosing the outfit that i like. seriously i dont know y but it realy drains all my energy even worst than working in a roadshow.. especially during the visit to the fitting room.. man they realy shud invent something to put the clothes on fast..*dreaming of it* some how happy that my gf is not like those lanci* girls that shops around making alot of noise with their frenz on buying this or that comes with that 'accent' *hellz*

talking bout dinner MANTRA is a must go restaurant if ur looking for some india cuisine, its realy nice there, which i had my 1st dinner there with obviously the piggy girl.. glad shes happy with the restaurant i think she likes the water that flows at the wall and also the sofa sits and yah not forgetting the cushion, sadly the food there were a little to spicy for her (anywayz she cant even take a bit of spicy stuff) for me taste good, smell good... and back home there is another dinner on the table waiting for me, surprisingly i even finish up my 2nd dinner without left overs.. damn over eating!! Hmm~ gona catch some slp for the next days shopping again since i juz have only one and a half hour of class~~ *yawns*

Getting Started....

Wow..!! i actually started blogging after having some time thinking bout it..till my gf actually open the site for me(too lazzzy) haha.. anywayz, wana thx my gf for helping me getting in to this web site and get me started by even teaching me which is to button to click for creating an account(which obviously i pretended that i don't noe how)and also the title and even the blog add(cant believe it, thx baby muaxx..) haha.. other than that, she also helped me in choosing the wallpaper,which i seem to have a hard time on it although its a simple thing..(hope the readers like it) and there goes *puff* i started this first blog..... *ahh*have to ask my gf how to post this thing... *crapy*