Losing it

The feel of emo, lost, tired, sad, hopeless, no aims... this is what I'm feeling now... I'm gonna lose the person that is part of me , the person i love most... no more.... it seems like i just cant stop what is going to happen although i have been trying so many times, it all turns down to be empty... when this happens it makes me feel and i know that what goes around always comes back around.... maybe this is the punishment that i should get for hurting the people that like me or love me before, and now till my turn to love some one so deeply... its being taken away from me, is just so near yet so far.... I'm so not ready to leave her alone...

my sassy girl no more is really a clumsy girl, thinking back the time when i was with her, she would always be the princess... haha, shes also very scared of being fat, and she can really eat at times, so whenever at night we go out for a drink she would wanna eat but will feel guilty if she do so, so is my job to make her not to feel guilty, she will ask me whether i wanna eat? i will then say with my smiling face 'yes', she will be really happy coz she get to share the food with me and not feel that guilty after eating... and she has this bad habit of pealing her fingers dry skin, i will tell her every single day don't peal it anymore, back during the days she will try to stop and i will gently using my fingers to smoothen her fingers, but it seems is been long i didn't do that for her and might not get the chance anymore...

Some one must also really have the strength to carry her! i know she likes being carry but she always thinks that she is really heavy and i cant lift her up, hahaha but i always manager to carry her (but seriously is kinda heavy), i will carry her back to the room some times knowing that shes really tired at times and would fall asleep at the sofa, and when shes asleep i will call her a few times but shes really a piggy... so i will carry her to the bedroom, while carrying i get to know shes just faking to fall asleep but i noe shes tired and lazy to walk so it does not matter coz shes my cute little piggy... oh ya! knowing also she don't fold her blanket last time but she actually made it a habit now to fold it, after i told her to a few times, happy for her and myself for that.... keep it up girl!

But this is all the pass... i cant carry her to the bedroom, cant massage her, cant share food with her when she feels like eating, cant be a sand bag for her to release her anger or stress from her mom..... cant tell her the time to go class, cant walk her home, cant bring her out for dinner, cant do grocery shopping together.... I'm going to miss the moment i had with her every single bit of it... i have no idea what is going to happen after this.... I'm already so used to do everything for her.. cant wash the dishes for her, I'm so worried that her fingers will hurt when she wash them... she cant touch soap.... i no longer can be her manager, her private driver, her body guard when she goes out with that mini skirt, her house keeper, her massager, her rubbish bin for food..... and everything that she needed..... I'm so worried that she always sleep very late, bath late, wakes up late, didn't get to eat her breakfast, getting hungry, being bullied during work, being eyes by those perv's...... who's gonna look after her?!?! :"( i will still always be there to be her full time all free maid when she need me......